Apple’s Keynote was lackluster at best.
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Do you hear that? Those are the crickets chirping.
Apple performed its last Macworld Keynote today sans Steve Jobs. Instead, Apple senior vice president Phil Schiller delivered it and boy was it lackluster. A lot of software upgrades for iWork, iLife, etc. iPhoto has some new features and iWork.com will be Apple’s Google Docs rival for cloud collaboration. You can also take music lessons via GarageBand with artists like Sting and Patrick Stump of Fallout Boy.
After the software came the only hardware upgrade; the 17-inch Macbook Pro. New battery, new display and thinner. Same old bullshit that all the other Apple laptops got a few months ago.
It ended with an iTunes information regarding more DRM-free tracks and variable pricing on music. Tony Bennett played. Lame.
Apple fans are clearly disappointed.
Know what a Benjamin Franklin buys you nowadays? Some incredibly warm rechargeable heated insoles for your shoes and boots. That’s right. You charge up the soles and let a Li-On battery and a PCB do the rest. Really! That’s all. They’ll keep your feet toasty at 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit for up to eight hours. Work in the cold? This is exactly what you need. Too bad they don’t make a version you can shove down your pants for TGW (Total Genital Warmth).
Macworld begins today with a keynote from Apple. Steve Jobs won’t be coming and the Apple Store is down, so I’m curious to see what will come out of today. Look for our coverage after 1PM EST.
Beautiful piece of machinery, isn’t it? A piano black finish, glowing blue light. Right out of the Hotel Gansevoort or some equally swanky place. No, friends, this is no cocktail dispenser. This is a huge 2TB external drive from LaCie. You’d expect a two terabyte drive to cost quite a bit, correct? You sir, are incorrect. At $270, this is one of the best deals around for those of you needing more storage.
I have no idea why these are called “Socks Anatomy” instead of “Anatomy Socks” but hey, to each his or her own. These are some badass socks though. Designed by Anton Repponen, they resemble bone and muscle tissue from inside your body and should give off a pleasing aesthetic look when you try a pair on. Perfect for Halloween or just freaking people the fuck out.
Stop the presses! Hold the phone! Did you hear? Apple is getting rid of DRM! Yay! This is so awesome! Know why? Because, ah….
Uh….hmm.
Mrrr…rzp?
Yeah, nevermind. Nobody buys music anyway and those who do probably don’t give a shit about DRM. Big whoop. Apple will most likely announce some kind of pricing scheme deal as well during Macworld. Record labels. You get the idea here. Too bad they won’t be announcing the Macbook Wheel anytime soon.
Every year, around the end of November up until CES in January, PR flacks email me and other writers constantly, begging for them to stop by their booth at CES so they can show off some shitty product. There are exceptions of course and there are a few good PR people left thank goodness, but let me show you what I mean. The above image? That’s a screencap of what I woke up to this morning. Six emails in a row from one Les Goldberg from D-Link. Yes, the same D-Link that makes your shitty dorm room router.
This isn’t PR. This is a spam. You spammed me, douchebag, and now we’re going to spam you. Everyone, spammers included, may I present you with Les’ email address: les.goldberg@dlink.com. Got it? One more time: les.goldberg@dlink.com.
Email Les and tell him we don’t appreciate his spam nor his shitty company’s spam. The last time D-Link made a usable product? Never.
Can you imagine skateboarding on this design Loren Kulesus has created without falling through it or snapping it in half? If it weren’t just a concept maybe you’d actually get a go at riding it. Though, I strongly advise against it. Notice the numerous amount of holes in it? Yea, this thing is lacking some good old-fashioned solidness.
I bet trying to put your foot down on this thing is like stepping in to a bear trap. Or a really old Fruit Roll Up.
Yesterday morning, the Fox News Twitter account posted breaking news that Bill O Riley is gay. To me this is no new news at all but to everyone else this comes as a complete surprise. It turns out that several celebrities have had their Twitter accounts hijacked, accompanied of course by phony posts desecrating their “good” name.
Among the victims includes Britney Spears posting about the size of her vagina, Rick Sanchez posting about how high he is on crack and President elect Barack Obama offering free gas money for opinionated feedback. Serves those suckers right for not using Tumblr instead!
