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At some point in the last 10 years, going to the movies became less fun and more of a chore. It may have been around the time that 3D movies started making a comeback. In case you’ve forgotten, the movie industry tried to make 3D a thing back in the 70s. Remember those glasses with one red lens and one blue one? It was a brief fad that no one missed when it faded.
The industry was doing then what it is doing now. They are trying to manufacture a reason for people to get up off of their couches and out of their houses to go see a movie that they could otherwise watch at home with a few weeks of patience. Before making the case for why you should stay home, here is the case the MPAA is making for why you should go:
- 3D movies are best in the theater
- Nothing beats the surround sound you get in a theater
- Some movies are best enjoyed with a crowed of like-minded fans
Here’s the thing: I can’t argue with any of those points. They are absolutely true. If you are going to see a movie that can only be enjoyed in cinema 3D, 19 speakers, and 150 strangers, you should go to the movies and pay the freight.
Here’s the other thing: That simply doesn’t describe most movies. Think about all the movies you enjoyed at home from a recording, a televised broadcast, or a Netflix stream. Clearly, there are plenty of movies that you can fully enjoy at home. Here’s why you will want to do that more often:
It is much less expensive
You might rent an HD movie from iTunes for $4. Or, you could spend $10 for a movie ticket. Make that $12 if it is 3D. That’s just the ticket. Did you want a $5 drink with that? For just $12, you can make it a large drink and popcorn. That’s just for one person. Did you want to bring the spouse and 1.7 kids? How’s that $4 iTunes rental looking to you now?
Why not get something even more current through Pay-per-View? You already have the cable bundle from your provider. If not, check out the deals they have on offer. There are plenty to choose from but, truth be told, Verizon’s still got the best promotion in the FiOS market. However, as big a deal as the money is, it is still not the best reason to stay home.
It’s cleaner at home
I don’t want to gross you out. So I will let the reporter from ABC News do it instead. They discovered a number of unsettling things about theaters. There is no law regulating the cleaning of theater seats. Many theaters simply don’t do it. On those seats could be found traces of… well… Let’s just say, a variety of human bio matter. Let your imagination run wild. The truth is even worse.
For the sake of all that’s sacred, don’t touch the handsets! While you’re at it, where closed-toe shoes at all times. That is not just popcorn you’re stepping on. Consider this: If you leave popcorn and soda all over your floor at home, you will soon be overrun with cockroaches and rats. Multiply that problem by the size of the theater, and you will have a pretty good idea of what that crawling sensation is you sometimes experience there.
The restroom is just a pause button away
Not everyone has a 3 hour bladder.
There is a popular app aptly named, “RunPee”. It alerts you when it is a good time for you to make a mad dash for the restroom by determining when nothing much is going on. Personally, I don’t want any one telling me what parts of the movie I don’t need to see. I paid for the whole movie. I want to see the whole movie, even the boring stuff.
Save money, your health and sanity, and your bladder by staying home the next time you want to see a movie. Oh, and no one is going to throw you out for texting.
