Black and Decker Auto Wrench

Sometimes, when I’m hanging out with Mel Gibson, we like to play Niptwist. What’s Niptwist, you ask? It’s a game when I take an adjustable wrench and then clamp down on Mel’s nipples. He screams in delight and then begs for more. After about 45 minutes of this, Gibson passes out and mumbles some anti-semetic rant.

Little does Mel know that tomorrow I’m going to have an advantage in our game of Niptwist. I plunked down $27 for the Black and Decker Auto Wrench. What does $27 get you? Try an automatic adjustable wrench with 220 ft-pounds of torque. That’s enough to turn William Wallace’s balls/nips/dick more purple than Barney. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, bitches.

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