Gadgets

I’m Mixmaster GEARhead and I’m here to say, I use the microSAMPLER ev-ery-day. Not really, but I would if I could afford it! Specifically designed for taking your show on the road, the microSampler is a compact and portable sampling keyboard. And it’s made by Korg, so it’s gotta be good. Grab samples from an in-line, the built-in gooseneck mic ...

Made using ABS, a material just as strong as steel, the $180 Unbreakable Umbrella is equally apt to protect you from the elements and viciously slice attacking fruit. Surprisingly, it only weighs 787 grams, despite its strength. Link [via]

If you’re unfortunate enough to have a waitress who is having a bad night, don’t give her any shit. You never know if she’ll do something devastating, like dipping your hamburger bun in her menstruation blood (extra ketchup, sir?) or even (gasp!) bringing you decaf instead of regular. We can’t help you too much with that first one other than ...

I don’t blame you for loving your job of sawing down trees (deforestation is so hot right now), but aren’t you starting to feel a little embarrassed about your lack of fabulousness? Everyone is staring at you, you can feel their eyes burning in the back of your skull. You know they talk about your lack of lumber-style when your ...

“Come on, how can you be crying? They’re pretty much made out of air! Grow up, pussy! So… how was your first day of Kindergarten?” I’ll feel so much better about beating my kids if I’m wearing these. Link [via]

Probably already long-ago digested and shat out by wedding guests, this Star Destroyer Wedding Cake must have been the centerpiece of the party. And if it wasn’t, I would love to see what the hell could top this (other than wedding toppers). This bad boy took a combined 15 hours to create and fed 100 people. 100 people? Give this ...

Who hasn’t fantasized about being a wizard? Harry Potter might have to constantly worry about the dark lord Voldemort leering over his shoulder, but my wizardly concerns are much more pedestrian, such as figuring out how to change the channel with my penis magic wand. Thanks to the Kymera Magic Wand Universal Remote, there is no need to go to ...

Look, you don’t need to try this hard to attract geeks. All you need is to invest in an electronics section, even if all you sell is PS1 games and a few calculators, it’s the thought that counts and us geeks realize that. This plagiarist activity isn’t going to win you any brownie points. Link

The Paris ring features the famous European skyline of the city of Paris, wrapped around your very own finger. Rose, white and yellow 18k gold icons of Paris sit upon a single shank and ring. Hipster bros are going to be all over this in a few weeks, which will totally eliminate any chance of being unique, so if you ...

If only these actually existed… Link