Gadgets

For those of you who don't have to "Han Solo," if you know what I mean *wink, wink*, these geeky bondage toys are the perfect accessory to spice up the bedroom activities of any geeky couple. Bring out the gimp in your little environmental engineer.

I never would have thought of this. Thank god there are people out there that use their brains for constructive purposes rather than simply using them to rant and rave on a geek blog.

I've been called four-eyes before. But never four-ears.

Sure, the Chainsaw Key Cover doesn't fare well as a tool for lumberjacks, nor does it benefit a psycho, chainsaw killer. Unless your victim quietly waits as you slowly grind through their toes. "Come on, man. I don't have all day. I have an appointment with Jason Vorhees at 11."

Are you ready for the most intense fluffernutter sandwiches you've ever tasted in your life? While marshmallow bazookas have been floating around since practically the moment marshmallows were invented, the Mazooka can launch a jumbo mallow 40 feet.

You're not a child of the 80's if you didn't play Simon at some point in your childhood. The much-copied electronic memory game became the model of where toys were heading the next decade. And now you can wear it as a fashion accessory.

The Doctor Who TARDIS Fridge Set transforms your fridge into a fictional time machine, turning back time and making your leftovers fresh again. Goddamn! I love week-old casserole!

Be you lazy, injured or amputated, basic chores become not so basic anymore. Shoveling snow is nearly impossible with only a pair of two inch nubs protruding from your torso. The Patrick Starfish jokes get old quick. And nub-slaps can only defend your honor so much.

DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! WARNING! WARNING! MULLET PROXIMITY SENSOR ENGAGED! EXECUTING PROGRAM 'BILLY RAY CYRUS TERMINATION' CODE! MUST TERMINATE!

Awkward Engineer Creations promises that their product offers the perfect dunk every time. This year, I'm getting Santa one of these for Christmas. Guess who just ruined your diet again, Mr. Kringle? This guy!