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Not every occasion is a happy occasion. But every occasion does call for cake! And thank god for that because, come on, it’s cake. Scrum-diddly-umpcious. Just lost your baby? Cake. Just got involuntarily circumcised? Cake. Venereal disease? Cake! Hit the jump for a few of our favorites, or least favorite. Whatever.

Why search for your own employees when there’s a world of other people’s work staring you right in the face. Microsoft isn’t only stealing Apple’s retail business model. Word on the street is that they’ve been lurking around Apple stores for employees. Microsoft has been hunting down Apple retail store managers, promising higher salaries and paid moving expenses. But managers ...

Don’t worry, this iPhone case isn’t trying to sell you penis enhancement pills or some shitty D-Link product. Not that sort of spam. No, no. This case has much more depth. At least, as much depth as fake processed meat can have. For only the true fake meat lover, the Spam iPhone case is pure processed fun. Link [via]

Movie franchises have become pretty ridiculous. I mean, there are like five Bring It On movies. How many damn American Pie movies have their been? Worth1000 takes on the future of film franchises with their “Future Films” Photoshop contest. Check out a few of our favorites after the jump.

When I think of famous side profiles the first person I think about is Alfred Hitchcock. A team of scientists at the University of California at San Francisco “injected light-sensing and communication genes from various bacterial species into Escherichia coli.” That’s right, the poopy virus. The scientists then projected an image of Hitchcock onto a plate of bacteria, leaving an ...

Yo, dawg, your music is da bomb-diggity. You wanted bass that really exploded? This decommissioned grenade has been de-bombed and MP3-activated, replacing its innards with portable media hardware and replacing the safety clip with a headphone jack. Link

Self-glorification. Self-encouragement. Messages of self-affirmation. Some call these messages a sin. Pure vanity. Not if you leave these messages on the Benedictaphone, the holiest way to sin there ever was. “You are great. You are powerful. You are the greatest of all time.” Why thank you, Pope Benedict, you’re not too bad yourself. The Benedictaphone allows you to record yourself, ...

I’m not sure which would be more impressive to solve, the 1,212 piece Petaminx puzzle we saw a few months back or this awesome twelved-sided Rubik’s Cube puzzle. The Petaminx definitly seems more challenging, though this Brando toy is slightly sexier and might be your last chance to impress that geeky puzzle girl you’ve been trying to get in the ...

Back in October 2006, Netflix began their $1 million challenge, offering a cash reward to the development team whom could improve Cinematch, the company’s recommendation engine, by at least 10%. After nearly three years the winner has finally been compensated. Netflix considered the million such a good investment that they’ve decided to start all over again. This time, Netflix will ...

This toilet paper won’t leave any dingleberries behind. In fact, you’ll be lucky if it leaves any skin behind. Link [via]